Not going into the details, the "here again" took place on at least two fronts; one - my mother; and two - me getting involved in others' lives more than was necessary or required. Bearing others' burdens was an addiction. (Of course, I did not see it at the time.) When I assume any task, I take it on with 100% enthusiasm. What's the problem? Let's look at it. What can be done to change it? Come on, you can do it. As I look back, I have done this while involved in several group environments. After all there are more people, more needs. Humm, that's not quite right. Humbly, and being vulnerable, my "I'm trying to help you; Listen to me; I can fix it." attitude has always been with me.
When the last blow-up took place at the end of 2011, talking it out to why I was so taken back....my husband offered this observation (after almost 30 years, he kinda knows me), "You don't need a pat on the back for what you do, but you also don't need a "slap in the face." a.k.a. verbal not appreciated. I had never thought about that before. Each time these blow-ups occurred in the past, I was left with this "slap in the face" feeling. Not appreciated...struck a nerve. Wow! A new discovery. A new question to ponder. Why do I do the things I do?
Have you thought about that? Why do you do for others?
So this is what I discovered for me. I am an encourager. I would say it is my heavenly gift. However, there is a point when my good intentions of encouraging become a curse. When, you might ask? When I move from my heavenly gift, into my own doings...a performance mode. When I get falsely lured in, that if I don't do it no one will, or everyone expects me to do it. Or, when I think "I" can fix it. "I" have all the solutions. Awe, the schemes of the evil one.
How key it is to stay connected; to stay aware; to be humble. This is what I learned through this knock, ask, seek, and change exploration: If it is something I am to get involved with I will be excited, there will be no hesitation, I just know to do. If there is dread, dragging, withdrawn, forced feeling, I need to step back and look deeper into the actions I need to take. When my heartaches or is burdened for someone, it does not mean I need to run to someone's side and get involved. It means I need to send up some heartfelt prayer, then be still. If I need to do more than prayer, He will make it known to me.
The Connection. As it has been said throughout time, it is essential that you stay connected to the Creator. Beginning each day, consciously, taking that moment to be aware that there are forces in this world that want to drag you off into darkness; and will do it with little steps. Then one day, you are lost and weary; wondering how you reached this place again. The great news...He is Faithful always. He will never leave you, nor forsake you. He will provide a way out. I know He does!!! Because each time I walk around that same mountain, He is with me, waiting patiently for me to ask Him, and to lift me up once more. And with each time, I learn a little more about staying connected, by hearing His voice and heeding His direction.
Who do you take on your daily walk?
Hug!
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, He is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." John 10:27-30.
No comments:
Post a Comment