Another walk around the mountain...Again.

Last year, 2012, I went on a journey...or another one-on-one walk with the Father. I had spent the entire year of 2011 acting like I was handling the life stuff just fine, but in reality I was already depleted before 2011 even began. I was in performance mode, attempting to present myself as a joy-filled trouper. However, there was this other side. I was doing a lot of whining, and it randomly spewed-out to whomever would ask, "How are you doing?" By the end of that year, I was totally exhausted, lost, frustrated, and angry. I had hit bottom. I had lost that bounce that makes me uniquely Karen, a daughter of God. What happened? How did I end up in this place again?

Literally, Thank God, my heart cried out and knew to ask, and then to stay aware as I was seeking to find the answers. Knowing (having Faith) that the answers do come is key. They come when you are ready to see the truth. Oh, there are many times when we look past the truth, past the answer, after all we still want the answer to feel good. The self has this need to justify our feelings and actions. As my husband has said to me with courageous love, "Is the pity party over? Is it time to move on?" Yes, it was time to move on. But, this time I needed to understand, to seek the truth, to answer the questions; "What happened? How did I end up in this spot? Again.  This time I needed to look inward. I needed to be guided through the discovery. It was going to take great courage, if I truly wanted, needed, to get to the root of it; in order to cultivate and reestablish the heart and joy of Karen.

In Brene' Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection - Let Go of Who You Think You're Suppose to Be and Embrace Who You Are, she states that courage originally meant "to speak one's mind by telling one's heart." And "ordinary courage is putting our vulnerability on the line." (Pgs. 12 -13). Why vulnerable? For me, and I am proposing for others, it is the only way to get to the real issue, the seed, so it can be healed. How?

This may just be the most courageous daily thing any of us must do: "Ask, Seek, Change or as I prefer to say Adjust." ( In hindsight, I have been uncovering answers to my asking and seeking throughout my life. Often, the answers involved lots of character building.)

Can you imagine the transformations that would take place, if we individually, would truly seek?

So how about you? When you feel pressed down, with the sense that you can't go on, that you don't even recognize yourself anymore, what do you do? Are you courageous to go on a walk of discovery? That's what I did. It was full of many emotions.
But it is so worth it!     To be continued...

 

Hug!